Monday, December 30, 2013

Ridiculous Me

i almost lost a friend due to my ridiculousness during this winter break. In my family, celebrations is a serious thing where we will gather and have a meal together. Brought up in a family who value togetherness so much has made my holidays here in Britain quite lonely and nostalgic. On top of that, the fact that i have to study more than anyone else, since i have stop studying for a year, have made me spend my holidays with my books instead with my friends. 

hence, knowing that my close friend in Malaysia is having a great time during the Christmas Eve has made me jealous. Jealous until to the level of getting mad for no apparent reason. more like becoming "a kid in a candy shop", according to someone.
a kid in a candy shop
that is a really interesting metaphor 
ok. thats not the point
so u can assumed i act like the kid. i think it was supposed to be b*tch. but lets just keep this post 'clean'. i was overreacting and have crossed a line. 

this situation tells me that.. i still unable to control myself when I'm mad. i want to be able to react properly when I'm mad. I said things I'm not supposed to say and do things I'm not supposed to do when I'm mad. I believe this can be tackle as in we can be more wiser next time when this happens again. hence, i am putting this in my new year resolutions list!
to not react promptly when I'm mad
analyse the situation thoroughly and only react when i am at my normal state

the next thing is, this also tells me that i am not quite an independent person. being so fragile in a situation and affected by it is enough as a proof. hence another plus one for my resolutions list!
to be more independent

also, living in a cold country makes me crave for chocolates like no one's business. top that with the stress i am having right now with my studies. this results lumpiness at my face. how annoying. haha. hence +1 for my resolutions list!
to control my addiction of chocolates

if i have more time,i'll continue to write all my resolutions for next year because right now i need to get back to my books. "be kind to one and another" - Ellen. lets pray 2014 to be good!

below is my lousy video on Youtube. They are the souls that i have met on 2013. Its just a video of appreciation for giving me support and love. Thank you for being a part of my life

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Boring Me

i just realised my previous post has a different style of writing than my usual one and i have come to conclude that
ahahaha sorry for that folks

i probably has gone way too focus on the topic or something. After almost 3 months in Sheffield, i can tell that my life has been busy.
busy busy busy
i have morning class from monday till friday. i have laboratories. projects. goodness me. i never felt that i have to perform so many things before and baam! 
I'm feeling it right now

i guess this is how uni life is. the struggling of looking for information, journals, articles. u can say that i am pretty culture shock of the education system here. most probably due to the fact that, during my time in GMI(my previous college), we were sort of spoon fed with ALL the information that we need to know. Here, it is about finding it ALL by yourself. The lecturer is only exposing us or teaching us whatever that is at tip of the iceberg. and i will always remember this phrase
nothing's easy
nothing's impossible too

Thursday, October 31, 2013


What exactly is being independent?
Why is it important to be independent especially if u r visiting or staying in a new place?

Interesting topic to talk when u are staying alone in some else's country. I was informed by a friend, that being independent is an ability to cope in any type of situation. The situation can be a party with some friends and strangers, or a party with lots of your friends. In my opinion, an independent person can fit in easily in both situations.

For me, if u are capable of doing everything by yourself or alone, that is not independent enough. Independent is not about how are u able to do everything alone. It is more than that. Its more like how u achieve something with any type of situation or circumstances.

Will u still get a good time if ur friend bring strangers for the dinner?
Will u have lunch alone when ur friend bail u out at a last minute?
Would u rather to shop alone but doesnt mind to shop with ur friends?

If u answer all yes, then u can quite call yourself an independent person. Aha! I think the ability to cope with any situation, be it alone or with friends, is called independent.

I enjoy being alone and have my cup of coffee. However, i also enjoy spending time with my friends, have dinner together or do something together. So in that sense, i think i am independent enough. Announcing to my friend that
U can call me a loner
Made her to analyze a situation and said im not quite a loner but im independent. I think the way i blend in easily with stranger makes her to conclude that. To be honest, i never see this point of view before but now i see it. Such a great findings! Great findings are found with stranger. Shes a housemate of my coursemate, and we chat for a while when i was at my course mate's house. If we didnt talked on that day, i dont think i would see this point of view sooner :)

Saturday, October 5, 2013


that is what they called my university here. Uni-of because there are two sheffield university here, the other one is called sheffield hallam. 

what i have done the most here is walking. I never walked so much in my entire life. however,my steps are getting better and my walking is now faster hence its not an issue for me anymore. i dont have problems with the food here. my main food will now be pasta (as expected). and i am getting good in cooking. 
food is never a problem for me
my schedule is insane. i have morning class from monday till friday. i think engineering students are the busiest students among all. we just have so many things to do. *sigh* anyway, i went to the malaysian and singaporean society social event last tuesday. it was great. i met one of my high school friend. i can pretty much say that it reminds me of my convent environment; my high school. where i am surrounded with chinese and indians. 
ahhhh i love the environment
i thought of giving up blogging but it will be a waste to stop blogging! i've always looking forward to publish a post. i think i've lost my motivation. LOL anyway, sheffield has been good so far. i love my room, its like a hotel. my flatmates are awesome. course mates are fine too. 
alles ist gut

Friday, August 23, 2013

What matters to you

I have a friend who I’ve assumed she is in despair since she has to fulfill some of her parents expectations about her, in life generally. I think the ultimate desire for most parents on their child is to see their child to be successful. Due to that, we, the daughter of our parents, the son of our parents, have to acknowledge that the only thing can make them happy is to be successful in life.

I heard a lot of stories from my friends that their parents decide for them, who they are supposed to be in terms of profession/occupation. I would understand that if both of your parents are doctors, no doubt they want you to be doctor as well. However if that is not what you want, would you consider to fulfill their wish just to make them happy?
Would you do something that you wont be happy doing it?
I will tell what I would do if I am in this situation. But firstly, I want to thank god for giving such a loving parents and a perfect family to me. My parents are not the type where they are going to force you to do something just because it is the right thing to do. 

For me, my parents is my everything. If they ask me to study medicine, I don’t mind. If they ask me to study engineering, I don’t mind it too. This is all because, first, I trust them more than me to decide what I should be studying at that time. Secondly, I just thought that if I be what they want me to be when I get older, that would make them happy. My main goal is just to make sure I’ll try my best to make them happy and following their desire for what I will be when I am older is kind of achievable and feasible to me.

I believe that we can all love any type of profession if we have reason to love it. We can all be good at anything if we practice it. I mean, if you are really good in arts, that doesn’t mean you cant learn to love the medicine subject.
Everything is possible
It is just how you..erm..see it I guess. If you really good in arts and your parents want you to study medicine, and you cant convince your parents to let you be in the arts field then why not give it try. Learn medicine, just for the sake of making your parents proud and happy. Don’t worry about, you wouldn’t be happy in the profession, because are you not happy if your parents is happy?
That all that matters
I sound so pro-parents right now. LOL. I am writing this to tell my opinion and not what you should do if you ever face this situation. I just thought it’s a good share.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Half Year Achievements

6 months has passed and I think I did pretty well so far. The biggest achievement in the past 6 months will be my success on getting a scholarship to pursue my studies in UK. I know the people around me is expecting this since im one of the top scorer and I am surely going to score this thing. However, they don’t know how fearful I was during the entire process! i was trying hard not to be overly confident because jinx can happened and I don’t want to be extremely disappointed if I failed. 

Hence it is confirmed now that I will be going to Sheffield University with the support from MARA. I am so anxious to know how I will become when I am there. I have a feeling I will be an introvert maybe because I never stayed so far away from my family. 
 What else?
I found it sad because I can’t think of any other achievements as if I only have one achievement for the past 6 months. Maybe I really am having only one achievement for the past 6 months. Anyway, this is a sign that I should achieve more by the end of the year! Hehehehe

Oh, I’ve passed my ielts test. I managed to live without my parent’s money for about 6 months so far since I am a working lady now.  I have discovered the power of self-reflection. I have met people from all types of background/stories, learnt their life lesson. I found out I love Haruki Murakami’s book, and anything that is literature is good. LOL. Currently I am reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. One of my greatest findings in The Alchemist would be
"When you want something, the entire universe conspires in helping you to achieve it"

Tuesday, July 9, 2013


Someone forced me to do this post because i was bugging her while she was doing some coloring stuff. Hence that is how this post is created.

Almost 6 months has passed and i was told to write about my discoveries in life. The biggest discovery for this year so far would be anxiety. I was in a really stressful situation where i have sleep deprivation, loss of appetite, headache which cause me to feel nauseous most of the time. I started to notice i have anxiety when i realized i cry constantly without any reason and having no control over my emotions. I can cry while i was busy typing and that was the most awkward moment in my entire life. Secondly, i realized i have problems in my breathing. I wasnt breathing properly and inhaling deeply is simply impossible at that time. Sometimes i was running out of breath till i have to calm myself down by calling someone. It was nasty. I even experienced anxiety attack where i faced massive work issues at one time. It happened in split seconds that i remember my heart started to beat so fast which cause me to gasp for air. 

I thought i was a sick person then but someone told me it is just a phase in life and i'll be fine if i stop thinking about the symptoms for anxiety. My friend told me that it is a common thing nowadays for all working woman to face anxiety and that makes me feel better. 

My advice when you have anxiety would be, call for help. Dont keep it to yourself. Share with anyone that you are comfortable with. It helps a lot. If you have no one that you can talk to, watch a comedy movie. It works like magic, trust me. Or you can take a walk or a jog,do an outdoor activity.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life - Confucius

I managed to findout the meaning of the phrase above. For your information, i am currently having two jobs which is a procurement engineer in the morning and a barista at night. I keep wondering why do i come back to become a barista at night eventhough i have a morning job. Then i realized i  actually love to be a barista. I enjoy putting smiles on people's face and i enjoy making coffee. Hence i told myself, i wasnt really working at night. I am actually doing some activity that i enjoy doing. I think working is more like what you have to do whereas mine is more like what i want to do.
Do you get it?

This post ends now since i am under influenced LOL took a piriton and it starts to make me feel dizzy. I will create another post to write my achievements since "someone" wants me to include them. Im glad to write this. Keep tracking me, appreciate it much! 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

KIL the movie

I never really into a malay movie until i watched KIL trailer before the premiere. I got hooked on the movie right after i saw the trailer and last thursday i managed to watch the whole movie. 

I think KIL is one of a kind for a malaysian-produced-movie. I dont think i have seen something like this coming from a malaysian producer or director. Im not good in film/movie maker so i dont know the correct term for that but im referring to the maker of the movie. Hehe. I love the way they make the movie. The editing for me is good, the cinematography. I look on that word because people review the movie and use that term. I agree, there is some kind of art being insert in the shooting of the movie. Thus, good job for creating such movie!

As for the redza and cristina, both are good looking and cute. I love how the movie show to us that no matter how wrong your life can be,we can always have something that we look up for, that make us keep on living. In this case, Akil has changed his mind because of Zara. Zara has been a distraction to his decision and he found reason to keep on living which is to continue seeing Zara and probably care for her. 
Life gets better when we have love in us
when we have someone that we can care about
When we have someone that we can tell almost everything
Ok,i think im going off topic now. Ahaha! 
overall, i love the movie. I think this would be the first malay movie that im going to recommend to my friends and make it my first malay-movie that i enjoy watching. The movie maker and the crew make a good job with just 11 days of making the movie. I think that is amazingly incredible and deserve a recognition in my blog. LOL 

If you havent seen this movie, i would suggest you to buy the ticket tomorrow because i watched this on midnight show because i was busy till at night(that thursday which is the premiere day), i went alone. I have the hall all by myself! Well, a couple sit at the top end and thats all; three of us. It was on thursday night, people are in the club enjoying the ladies night. Aahahaha! The tgv guy scare me off by telling me to be careful because there might be ghost but that was after i bought the ticket. I told him its too late to back off! Anyway, it was worth it. Even i was packed till night i still wanting to watch it as soon as i can. This would be the first movie that i have extremely looking forward to watch. I think its so crazy of me to watch it that midnight,because i was pretty packed up on that day. 

I would say, this movie has a weird impact on me in a positive way and therefore it deserves to be told and malaysians should support it. I want more KIL! But maybe the next one, "Akil" himself found his reason to keep living on his own without the help from others. Hehehe. And the song in the movie by Pesawat with the title Rapuh is totally dope! It has been playing in my head for days now. I wonder when will it stop. My friend go crazy when i was totally into the song. They said i look weird for liking a malay song because i sound like a different person. To be honest,its also so seldom of me to like a malay song, that is why this happens. Bestie even thought my bbm has been hacked because my status were the lyrics. Hehe. 

Monday, April 8, 2013

My Promise and Happiness

I love you and you love me. that is what matters.
that is the phrase she told me when i told her i am sorry for being a lousy friend. lately, i have spend less time with her due to *coff cough* some reasons. i did not even make an effort to spend time with her maybe because i was busy with someone else and forgotten there are people who misses me as well. 
sorry Maisha

This post will be about her. Just to tell how sorry i am and how glad i am to have you in my life. I know this girl when i worked in Karen Millen. My first impression towards her is fun lovely girl. 
i never had a bad first impression of people anyway
ok. back to the topic.
i know i have been drifting away from you and all of these are due to some reasons(again hehe). however, i have realized that a true friend sticks with you no matter what you have become. I am quite surprised that you still react the same way as we did before even after what i have done to you or something. i guess we both understand each other. that is what you told me, that i understand you and you understand me. 
thank you

she did not let me go to UK to further my studies because she is afraid i might not come back and forget about her. so i told her, she might do the same to me as well. Hence, last night we made a promise-video that we will not forget each other. This post also going to remind me that she is not to be forgotten or something. hehe.

People do change. Everyone is aware of that however what guarantees you the future that you have predicted. We cannot hold back just because of the prediction because that will be, not believing in yourself and not having faith in yourself. Some people does not want to take a risk, but here i am to say
its ok to take risk sometimes. i bet you have not take a risk for quite a time
even if we are off the track, we can find ways to get back on track. This is all about believe in yourself and have faith. I think i may run out of topic but im just typing what is on my mind right now. ahah!

Someone also has been replying me strangely even though i got a late reply. A reply that contains happiness and joy. You can absolutely know a person's mood by just reading the way they reply your messages. Or in my case, you can know my mood by reading my tweets, tumblr or blog. AHAH because most of the time im being expressive on all my social media networks. teehee.
ok,off topic
so a message that implies happiness. joy. gay. LOL did i just use the gay word. whatever. AHAH. its nice. i mean, its nice to get a happy message. it makes me feel happy too. Here is a good thing about attraction. I think when you are happy, you already have the happiness vibes in you. and when you start to talk to people or make connection to someone, the vibes somehow is being transferred along too instead of just the message that you want them to know.
you get what i meannnnnnn
i get all excited when i get to talk about this. so this post might be a long one. hehe. sorry bout that.
ok. move on!

i just want to tell that happiness is easy to be spread? I think human should share their happiness because that is going to make more happy people on earth and our world will be... happier? just that,some people go through shit and stuff, so its good for us to share some of our happiness with them. 
don't you think so?
so. that is just all for today's post. Try texting your friends happily, and see how would they react after that. :)

Monday, March 18, 2013

What You Really Want

Someone's story somehow inspires me to write this post. The situation is about a girl who is torn in between two lovers. She feels so secure with the first person however feels so right when shes with the second person. A part of her tell her to keep the first one because of his stability and husband material type. Another part of her tell her to follow her heart since she is much more comfortable with the second person.
The choosing part is the difficult one

Im going to tell you what would i do if i ever faced this type of situation. Firstly, i would definitely ask myself what do i really want right now. If i choose to be happy, i would definitely leave the first one and go on with the second one. Since i can talk almost everything with this person and not with the first person. Besides, i fell for this person and i like to spend time more with this guy than the first one.
Remember, dont hold on to someone because you've been together for so long
This is not a good reason for you to stay with someone. It has always be about how you feel and what you want. Not the duration of the relationship. Dont be afraid to start fresh and new chapter. Take the risk for the sake of your heart. At least,we would be proud that we have corrected our doubting feelings or perturbations.
also, dont hold on to someone because of sympathy
you probably think you the only person that he can depend to or anything. for example, i did hold on to my previous relationship because i think it would not be fair if i leave because he had spend so much time with me and sacrifice a lot for me and so on. however, i knew what i want and i dont feel like im in a relationship at that time. hence i call it off. 

a wise lady told me a phrase that will make me remember it for the rest of my life. She told me on the phone while i was working. She was literally in tears while talking to me and me, being as empathetic as i am, was in tears too. She is the first person to make me cried in the office.
'Be with someone who won’t stay mad at you, who can’t stand not talking to you, and who’s afraid of losing you.'
However, we always not getting what we want in this world. well, i believe this only happens in the beginning. im sure it is just a test from God to see how strong we are on getting what we want in life. 
dont u agree?

Friday, March 15, 2013

Princess Sophia

Recently i made a new friend which happens to be my customer at my coffee bean outlet. It started out when she was requesting to name her as Princess Sophia.
Me: i can do that for you
but i didnt actually write her name and i kind of feeling a bit bad because its like telling people you will do it but in the end you didnt do it. so i tweeted about it. however, after i got back home, i have no idea why i search for Princess Sophia in twitter. 
guess what
i found her
her tweet was saying she just made a barista called her princess sophia out loud,twice. since then we have been exchanging DM in twitter and meet up and now, im a friend of hers. i just want to remind myself that i am glad that i did look up on princess sophia in twitter because i just thought i should at least say sorry or at least make it up to her.

i am not encouraging people to sort of stalk other people in twitter. i just thought i should tell the world that making new friends is not that hard. you just have to leave the door open to let other people come into your house or go out and bring them in your house.
im sorry, i love to use metaphor
 sometimes we need new friends to expand our circles or just maybe we needed a new friend. i can pretty much conclude that my relationship with my current close friends is much more to the "cost" than the "reward"
i just learned one of the subject in master of corporate communication for about an hour lastnight. hehe
it doesnt really means that i get less benefit when my investment is high. it just that, i cant really talk about certain topic that i really want to talk with my friends. Mostly because i dont really like how they reacted to the topic or how they response to the topic. Secondly, i found that they are not really interested in the topic. Thirdly, sometimes they are not being supportive. i always found myself down whenever i tried to talk about a certain topic. sometimes, im refraining myself from talking about it because i know im not going to get a good feedback or something like that. 
this explains why i needed a new friend
just to have someone that i can talk about things that i want to talk about and wont think twice to start a conversation.

those who are close to me probably read this, i just want to let you know that. this doesnt mean that i am replacing you to a new friend or anything. i still going to treasure our friendship, just lately when i needed someone to be there for me, you guys cant really make it due to commitments and responsibilities. hence i need different friend for different purposes. 
Can ar like that?
im selfish like that 

Friday, March 1, 2013

The Last Polka Tasting Party + Traxx FM

one word
well,first of all you get to eat the last polka ice cream for free. secondly, u get to meet fun people! so the two girls that has been doing the ice cream are May and Evi ( i have no idea how to spell her name but that will do) they are two pretty girls making delicious ice cream! we have tasted 7 flavours and for me the best would be
kopi c special
this is a must for production
for choosing me to join your party. i had a blast!

i met the girls in maryanne, kerry-ann and isabelle. they are so fun at one point my cheeks are in pain for laughing to hard. honestly, i dont really listen to traxx until today, i listen to it and found out that the songs are not bad
like seriously
i cant wait for kerry's segment tomorrow, saturday at 12pm till 3pm. her segment is called adult contemporary (AC). she'll be playing slow rock, rnb, soul etc etc. i hope i can make a request because i have this one soul song that i am into right now. well it was an old song anyway. its ok, still that is not the point.
im still waiting for belle to send me our pictures on that night
i think i am loving traxx so far. i have listen from hits to fly to mix and to red. i have listened to every radio station. however i think traxx is kinda cool because they have this talk segment that is so informative. it can be helpful for students, like seriously. i kid not. they are more to like giving motivation or maybe give us a lot information that can be useful in life,well in my point of view. the concept is just so different than any other radio station. i am having problem describing it
i think you should try listen to it and yeah. maybe tell me what do you of it?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Azlan's 22th Birthday

im sorry i disclosed your age in the world wide web but i think its not that bad. you are not turning 40 or something. 
i hope you had a great time last night!
Mirjam text me and asked me to bring Zaimah along for the birthday celebration. I picked her up at this Titiwangsa LRT Station. After picking up, i remember i said this
ME: bring me back to the previous road. Jalan yang i masuk tadi
however we end up on a different road. we were like going to the REDZONE where it was the jammed area. it was madness. i started to swear like a lot and i think i just freak Zaimah out. it is like i'v been possessed by another soul and turn into someone else. HAHAHAH *joking* and i have to tell this one more time
i am born to get lost in my way or i should say in ANY way
tragically, Zaimah is also poor in directions. there is one time, she asked me to change lane to the left but according to the google map from my Ipad, i have to turn right. it turned out to be she was reading the map wrongly. so. yeah. we have no sense of direction. 
but we managed to arrive in Bangsar safely

we celebrated Azlan's birthday at Yeast, Jalan Telawi 2(if not mistaken). once we arrived, Megat was there sitting at the edge of the table. me and zaimah was screaming. we are two bimbos get excited over a Megat. ahahah! Azlan facial expression was the best. he was so surprised that Megat was there.

that is the best moment isnt it Azlan :)
 Mirjam's pancake that comes with salmon. totally a french meal
 my salad that has this pretty poached egg and bacon and gruttons with sides of sauteed mushroom

the restaurant is amazing. Mirjam is in love with it. the bread is delicious. food is great. dessert is marvelous. everything went well. the place is packed with decent people LOL i really really think Time Out KL should review the place. after that, we had coffee at COFFEA COFFEE. this place serves good coffee. like really really good, i kid not. i had latte machiatto without sugar. it taste so perfect you dont even need sugar.
 Megat's hot latte
 My latte machiatto

i feel so blessed to know you and to be close to you. i appreciate every single moment i hangout with you. i know you as a person who likes to make me confused (HECKYEAH). i still think i am more matured than you *coff cough* ahahah! i think we are both the same. hehee. i wish you all the best for your Final Year Project and hope everything went well. Dont stress yourself too much. Problems are meant to be shared, dont keep it to yourself. 
Thank you Megat for the surprise and preparation and the food
Thank you god for letting be apart of your life

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

CNY 2013

This year chinese new year celebration is a bit disappointing since we don't do the yee sang and there was no lion dance that came to popo's house
We always have yee sang moment and lion dance every year. why didn't we have it this year? Maybe because all of us were not there. Aunty Vivien's family started staying in Paris last year. But hey, we all been affected by the absence of your family

however, i get to laugh out loud with my cousins. glad i did actually. i owe Megan a coffee date and probably bring her and Ashleigh to Hard Rock KL since our evil plan didn't work out.
"the evil plan was: after eating, we shall sneak into our grand uncle house and took the viva car keys(if
there is any) and drive the viva to HRC Penang. LOL "
we were playing truth or dare on the street opposite the house. there was this one white viva, so we thought we should have an evil plan. HAHAHA

I love the truth or dare session. i literally asked Megan to break up with a tree and she asked me to pose 3 times at her car. in conclusion, as far as i am unhappy for not getting the yee sang or a lion dance. i think family gathering is enough for me. we like to be close to each other. we like the bonding time that we have spent together.
that is why i love my family
for keeping me close to our roots
and making me aware the importance of family

i have celebrated my birthday with bestie last friday, the night before my birthday. she asked me to go to this Delicious at Dua Residency. she was so afraid i might get lost but i told her i have my GPS with me and my ipad. i was driving, following the GPS until i saw KLCC entrance in front of me. im like
so yeah
i got lost
repetitively ask myself where am i
i was at this bloody street named persiaran something. i literally u-turn at the same street for two times. until i decided to stop at one of the hotels by the road side and ask the jockey for directions. 
jockey: two traffic light then turn left
so i followed his advice. once i turned left, i was at this dark alley(so-called-alley just to sound a bit dramatic LOL)and there was this motorcycle passed me and look at me WHICH started to make me worried so i put myself up and try to look as confident as i can.
bloody hell
i thought i was lost again
until i get at the end of the road
i didnt get lost after that ahahah

i am really really grateful to have bestie to celebrate my birthday and make it so special. the place was soooo you = classy. i get to see live performances. the food is great. 
thank you
i love u to the moon and back